Who are WE?

Working with couples for over twenty plus years, the one recurring pattern of disfunction seems to be the need to make the other person into what we want them to be. In my spiritual understanding, mankind is created with free will, something even the creator will not violate; yet in relationships this free will is often usurped. If the other person refuses to change as their partner demands, then they are viewed as stubborn and uncooperative. 

We don’t come into longterm relationships because of things we DON'T like in our partner, we enter this commitment because of the things we DO like.

 Why then, when we are in a relationship, do we spend so much time complaining about the things we don’t like and so little time encouraging the positive aspects of our partner. 

What is Love?

Love is the power within us that affirms and values human beings as he or she IS and not the way we want them to be. Human love affirms the person instead of the ideal we would desire him or her to be, or the projection flowing from our mind.

 Love is the inner place of the soul opening our blind eyes to the beauty, value, and quality of the other person.  Love causes us to value a person as a total, individual self; meaning we accept the negative side as well as the positive, the imperfections as well as the admirable qualities. When one loves the human being instead of the projection, one loves the shadow as much as one loves the light. One accepts the other person's totality. 

Human love causes a man to see the intrinsic value in a woman: therefore, love leads him to honor and serve her, rather than improperly use her for his ego's intentions. When love is guiding him, he is concerned with her needs and her well-being, not fixated on his own wants and whims.

 Human love causes a woman to see the intrinsic value in a man: he is not a projection of her unmet needs, but rather a soul whose journey she has the honor to encourage and nurture toward the joy of finding God's plan.

 In the relationship, the strength of the “I”, or the individual, is not diminished: rather it is encouraged by what the “WE” is able to accomplish as a mutual task. 

While a piece of each “I” is sacrificed to the “WE”, it still remains the “I” but now finds greater joy in the strength of the “WE” which may not be experienced by the “I”.

Every relationship needs to reflect on the question: "Who are We?" It is a conscious place that needs to be visited often.

Any thoughts? Leave a comment.

Forever Yours is a book I wrote about a couple who find a way to keep their love alive through all the trials and tribulations of life. You can see it at Amazon (click here).