A Relationship Vision

What if someone asked you why you have such a great relationship - what would you answer? 
We have a great relationship because_____________________.

A lot of relationships are so lost that filling in the blank would be impossible. Here is a chance to start working on a relationship vision that will enable you to fill in the blank. If we don’t have a vision of what we want, we will never have anything.

Relationship Vision

An exercise to find the potential in your relationship

1.     Each partner takes a sheet of paper and writes a series of short statements describing their personal vision of a deeply satisfying love relationship. Include qualities you already have and want to keep plus qualities you wish you had. Write each sentence in the present tense, i.e. “We are loving parents,” “We have great communication” etc.. Make all statements positive such as “We settle all differences peacefully” rather than “We don’t fight.”

2.     Share your statements with each other. Note the items you have in common and underline them (common thoughts). If your partner has statements you agree with and have not put on your sheet, add them to yours. Ignore for now the ones you do not share.

3.     Now return to your own list and rate all the statements from 1 (very important) to 5 (not so important)

4.     Circle the ones that are most important to you.

5.     Put a check mark by the ones you think would be most difficult for the two of you to accomplish.

6.     Work together to design a mutual relationship vision. Start with the items you consider most important. Put a check by the ones you both consider the most difficult to achieve and complete the list with the relatively least important. If you have a statement which causes conflict, try to find a compromise statement. If you can not, then leave off the list.

7.     Put the list where you can read it daily and once a week, read it aloud to one another. Work together to build a relationship vision.

Example:

We have a great relationship because _______________.

Bill                                                                                  Sally

1               We have fun together                                   1

1               We settle differences peacefully                  1  

1               We worship together                                    1

2               We develop friends                                      1

1               We have a deeper intimacy                          2

2               We save money                                            2

3               We travel                                                      2

4               We visit our parents regularly                      4

5              We share the same political views                5

Please comment on this so we can all share together. What are your thoughts? Email us at nyccc1@aol.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the Followers box on the top right of the post. The blog is also on Twitter at http://twitter.com/@jttwerell.

 Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

We are One

In the last One Hundred years, our understanding of life has undergone a major evolution, which is easily understood but often either rejected or ignored. 

Until Albert Einstein gave the world the birth of Quantum Physics, our understanding of life was based on the belief that all things in life were separate from each other. A tree was a tree and thus was separate from the river and earth. As people we defined our self by our differences, which separated us from the other things around us.

Quantum Physics demonstrates all things are energy and thus not separate from each other but actually one. If we break all matter down to its smallest component, we find it is not solid material; rather it is energy, which is used to form matter but not limited by the matter it forms.

What does this mean to human existence both as individuals and in relationships?

Simple: We are all one. Not male, female, red, white, yellow, black, rich, poor – Just one.

Then why do we treat others so dreadfully? – Because we just don’t buy into the thought of one.

All this energy is not simply random; it is part of a greater source, which is the creator of all energy. This source is what most of us call God.

Think about this for a minute:

Genesis Ch.1

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 

2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 

4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 

5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day

When there was nothing, the source of all things brought all the existing energy together and made something. It wasn’t separate from the source; it was one, just in a new shape.

Obviously, this thought can be debated from a hundred angles, but the reality is, we are all one, from one source. We are not separate but one.

How does this change our life? Jesus left us with one solid insight which we need to truly understand.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.

Mark12:30,31

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. 

If I am one with my neighbor, then I love them as I love myself. 

Big problem is, do we love our self? 

Every human has traits and thoughts, which make the journey difficult and we will find fault with our self because of these negative traits, but our core is the positive creative energy, which unites us with others. We may not like all we do or think, and we may not care for all that others do or think, but at the core we are all one, created out of positive energy by the true source of all energy.

Relationships are simply an extension of each other. 

Love the essence of all, 

even if you don’t like the actions. 

Love never fails.

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

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Forgivness -The Key to Freedom

 

Mark Twain once wrote: What a wee little part of a person’s life are his or her acts and words! Their real life is led in their head, and is known to none but them self.

The deep truth of Mark Twain’s words is painful when we consider how many thoughts we have on an hourly basis, which are known only to our self. I may smile at someone, but my thoughts may be in a hundred places at that moment and have very little to do with my smile. For instance:

I don’t like this person. I am going to be late. Why do they always dress so well? I remember when I dressed well. Why am I so angry? I hate smiling when I am in a hurry. I wonder if I turned the iron off.

These random waterfall of thoughts will generally pass through our mind and not take roost. However, one thought pattern can have catastrophic impact on our daily emotional journey - LACK OF FORGIVENESS. This thought pattern is a source of inner conflict reflecting historical happenings, which have nothing to do with the present moment, but will cause us to plummet into the ibis of unhealthy thoughts as we attempt to navigate our daily life.

There are many people, places or events in any life, which leave wounds and hurts in our memory and then we relive them when they choose to surface. If a person caused me pain ten years ago, then why am I giving my current energy to this past happening? My lack of forgiveness will contain a great deal of negative energy, which will impact my current journey, yet not impact the person who I am now choosing not to forgive in the past

Tehyi Hsieh (1884-1972) a Chinese philosopher once wrote:

A road that does not lead to other roads must always be retraced, 

unless a traveler chooses to rust at the end of it.

"Lack of forgiveness" is such a road we may travel down repeatedly and then have to turn around and return to our journey; a perfect waste of time. 

Or, another choice is to go down the road of “lack of forgiveness”, then just stay at the end of this road and rust until we die. This is a terrible waste of a journey, but lack of forgiveness is a dirty, dusty road, which many simply choose to make as their final destination. 

The pains of the past are real and we need to embrace them as part of our journey. But once embraced, we then need to leave the pain in the past, forgive the person or event which caused the pain, and then move on with our journey. 

If we choose to stay in the painful place, then the perpetrator of our pain will not be held back, only we will, and this is a choice with no positive outcome.

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).