Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Romance- Keeping it alive

Romance- Keeping it alive

Every couple has experienced romance. It is that unique spirit of adventure leading us into a deeper place of intimacy. For some it has been simple things like holding hands or sharing a special moment. For others it may be more passionate or ornate. However, for every relationship, it is romance which provides life and energy to face the routine of living.

We have couples come to us who have lost their romantic spark and, unfortunately,  their relationship reflects the emptiness of life. A tactic we use to help find a romantic connection is the following:

Each partner, separately, sits with a sheet of paper and creates the following list:

  1.   These are the things you used to do that made me feel loved.
  2.    These are the things you do now that make me feel loved.
  3.   These are the things you have never done that I would like you to do to make me feel loved.



We suggest at least five things in each section. Then exchange your lists and review them. The suggestions can be sexual, intimate, adventurous, etc. If something is listed the partner is not comfortable with, then it is dropped (i.e. running naked through the park, etc.)

Once the list is set, then each partner has the assignment of doing at east two of the suggestions each week. If the other partner realizes something on their list has taken place, they need to express gratitude for their partner’s effort.

Try it for at least a month and see how it works. Let us know your thoughts by sharing in the comment section below or write us at nyccc1@aol.com Sign up as a follower in the box on the right and we will notify you when a new posting takes place.

My book about the journey of relationships is called FOREVER YOURS. It is the fictional story of a man and women who fall in love in the 60's, raise a family and learn how to overcome the challenges of life in order to truly find their own relationship together. You can find out more at Amazon (click here). Or go to my website for more information. (Click here)



Monday, November 5, 2018

New journey

In relationships, it is a primary task to create an atmosphere where your partner feels respected, significant and a priority. (see our blog on this click here ). Fortunately, in our relationship as husband and wife we find this easy and fun.

 Because of this the following is a real joy to share as my fantastic wife is moving forward in her journey as a consultant. Hope you enjoy it. 


Monday, October 22, 2018

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU!!!!



How easily those words seem to drift around in our casual conversations. It is good to find love, but what do we really mean when we say “I love you”?

We have children who provide a large cross-section of adventure in life, and we love them a lot. We have a great marriage, celebrate our life together and we love each other a lot. But we also love our boat. Are all these “love” feelings equal? Obviously they aren’t, but how do we differentiate between them?


In a newer relationship, the statement of “I LOVE YOU” is really a statement of ego. When we say “I Love You”’, what we are actually saying is “You make me feel good, and I love how I feel, so I need you to keep making me feel this way.” This level of love is more of ego infatuations and unfortunately, the large cross-section of relationships built on this foundation are destined to crumble when that feeling becomes less.


A Loving Relationship is one in which I realize you bring a lot of junk with you, but you also bring a lot of things I like. Therefore, I choose to be with you because I find the positive of what you bring outshines the negative. It is, once again, a choice I make to accept you “Just as you are”. This type of loving relationship will grow and be fruitful because it reflects on the positive rather than the negative aspects of the relationship.



Which would you rather come home to every day?

1. “You are such a slob. Can’t you ever pick up after yourself? I have to do everything. You are so lazy, can't you help me out. I can’t stand how you approach life.”


Or


2. “You make me happy when you smile. I love being with you and feeling the joy of knowing you are a person who really cares for me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me”.


Obviously, unless you are a masochist, the choice would be the positive reinforcement. This will come when we choose to focus on the positive things of our partner, and stop trying to change the things we don’t like. What you see is what you get. 

A loving relationship is one in which I choose to love you even though you do bring junk and you love me even with all my junk. What we share is positive and beautiful and we will encourage these positive parts of each other.


Are you in love or in a loving relationship?


What are your thoughts? Email us at nyccc1@aol.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the “Follower and Friends” Box. The blog is also on Twitter at http://twitter.com/@jttwerell We send special email to followers and also will answer personal questions in a private email. We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. (see website at www.nyccc.org). Email us if we can help.
Also have a new book out called FAULTLINE. Greed impacts the natural environment and leads to catastrophic problems. Also found on Amazon (click here)




Thursday, October 11, 2018

FEAR






Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.”

Daily we meet people who are living in some type of fear, and generally it is destroying their life. Some people stay in bad relationships out of fear of being alone. Some stay in bad jobs out of fear of not having money. Parents often live in a place of fear for their children and all of us have a place where we entertain some fear we hope will never come into our lives weather it is sickness or even death.

There are two main boundaries in life and they are “Love” and “Fear”.  In many cases we view these boundaries as “bookends” holding the volumes of our life experiences on the bookshelf of our journey. As a Christian, we believe in the teachings of Jesus and use them as guidepost for my journey. One main focus we use and try to impart to others is this:




“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Not all our clients are Christian but generally all are on some type of spiritual journey, which can incorporate this guideline. Unfortunately, religion often functions contrary to this guideline by using fear as a main component of the journey of life. However, for a life journey designed to be one of peace, a positive spiritual understanding is more important than a rigid religious experience.

If I have not been given a spirit of fear, then what have I been given?

Power – a great gift to offset the often-stated weakness of human existence

Love – the core of all life and stability

Sound mind – a gift designed to offset the often-found insanity of this earthy journey.

A place of daily meditation would be to focus on this fact: if fear is not part of my spiritual make-up, why do I even pay attention to it? Instead, let me focus on the fact I have been given the ability to walk in power; love in abundance; and have a sound and peace-filed mind.

The Dalai Lama once taught: Love and compassion are necessities; not luxuries.
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Without them, humanity cannot survive.
Let each day be a place of love and compassion and not fear. It will have to be a conscious decision to follow this thought, but the results will be well worthwhile.

Please share your thoughts on this in the section below. If you want to become a follower of our blog please fill in the information in the upper right corner of the page.

Fear and Love are key factors in understanding our journey. In my new book, OFF THE HOOK, a woman leaves a life of fear and finds true meaning in a place of love and spiritual understanding. Check it out at Amazon (click here)  or on my website (click here).



Also have a new book out called FAULTLINE. Greed impacts the natural environment and leads to catastrophic problems. Also found on Amazon (click here)










Tuesday, September 25, 2018

What is a good relationship?



One of our readers asked us to explain what constitutes a “good relationship”. In our blog Significant, Respected, Prioritized (Click here to read)we went over the core of a good relationship and those points still remain the key components to long term success. If a relationship provides a place where each partner feels respected, significant and prioritized then there will be a harmony and safety for growth.

But what is a good foundation for a relationship? The key word is “foundation” as it must provide:
 1. A place of stability.
 2. A place that is flexible and growing.

In a construction site, this type of foundation would seem impossible, however, in zones with high earthquake potential, foundations are built that are sturdy and yet have the ability to withstand the movement of the earth without breaking.This is what a good relationship needs as a foundation.

The structure for stability is the importance of “significance, priority, and respect". This sets the tone for providing a safe place for the relationship to grow.

Nevertheless, unless there is flexibility, the relationship will die. Think of having a baby and how exciting those first few days are with a new born. What would happen if we left the baby in a room all alone and then went back in five years to visit it? The baby would die.

Relationships are the same as the baby. Who we are when we start a relationship will change as we mature and grow. Think what you were like ten years ago and what you are like today. Hopefully, you have changed in several areas, for evolving is the essence of life. This is true in relationships as it is always a reflection of those involved.

Keep an active visitation into the relationship:
• Who are we today?
• What do we believe about life today?
• What do we expect about each other today?
• What are we expecting about tomorrow?

Don’t neglect visiting the relationship together. It is changing and you need to be aware of what is going on. If you don’t visit it, it will die.

Do you have thoughts on relationships and romance? Please share them with us and with each other by filling out the comments section below.

What are your thoughts? Email us at NYCCC1@aol.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the "FOLLOW BY EMAIL" Box above. The blog is also on Twitter at  http://twitter.com/@jttwerell.  We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. Email us if we can help or check our website at www.nyccc.org

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

I AM A GREAT CUPCAKE

I am a Great Cupcake


In our work, we often find relationships fail because the individuals have expectations that outstrip reality

A loving relationship is a place we go to for safety and security, but it is not there to make us better individuals. We often tell our clients they are, individually, the best cupcake God ever created. They are perfect, wonderful, exciting, and complete just as they are, because they were made that way. If someone wants to put frosting on them, it is a nice addition, but it doesn’t change the fact  they are perfect just as they are. 

If we think we need to have another person in our life so we can be whole, then we are missing the beauty of who we are as an individual. People who see themselves as lacking will attract others who feel the same way. It is the simple law of sowing and reaping. If I sow out that I am a broken or lacking person, I will harvest back the same thing. But whole and happy people attract back other whole and happy people.

In reality, all of us have areas, which are not “perfect”; it is just part of life. Nevertheless, if we have areas that are “less than” then we also have areas that are “more than”. The question is, which one do I focus on as my primary identity. If I focus on my “less than”, then I will be looking for someone to fix me. But if I focus on my “more than” then I will attract others who have strengths they feel good about also.

From our experience, when two positive energy forces meet, they seem to automatically balance each other in strength and weakness, without really trying.

Why? Because they are not focused on their weakness, they are operating in their strength, and this will always provide a healthy journey.

One of our clients is a very brilliant professional, but couldn’t seem to attract the “right” relationships. Our client, due to a rather difficult childhood, had grown up with a strong sense of her “less than” side. Even though she was successful, she saw herself as broken, and thus attracted other broken relationships. Over a period of time, she was able to change her self-evaluation to one of “achiever” instead of “failure”. This transformation completely refocused her life perspective, and she began to attract others (both male and female) who were confident and whole people. She is now happily married and has a very positive relationship with her husband and many friends.

She sees herself as the best cupcake every created by God. The frosting is great, but it is not essential for her life.

How do you see your cupcake? 

What are your thoughts? Email us at nyccc1@aol.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the “Follower” Box. We send special email to followers and also will answer personal questions in a private email. We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. Email us if we can help.

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Unconditional Self Acceptance

 Often, when we are talking to people, we are fascinated with the level of disrespect many have toward themselves. A lot of the anger in our society is an attempt by some people to make people around them feel as miserable about life as they do.

For example; if I don't like who I am, then you become a threat. Not because you did anything, just the fact that you exist bothers me, because you may seem to be happy and I am not. Therefore, let me make you unhappy so I feel better.

After thousands of years of evolving as the human species, it often seems we haven’t come very far. 

One of the things we use in our practice is the aspect of U.S.A.. In this case, U.S.A. stands for Unconditional Self Acceptance. This means a person will accept who they are without judgement. For example: I am a wonderful person and I am also a person who is often not so wonderful. I love humor but I also have a dark side. I love to be at peace, but anger does show up. It is just who I am. No judgement, just observation.

Try it sometime when your inner voice tells you all the bad things about who you are or what you do. Just say, “Yep that’s true” and then remember the opposite is also part of you. It is just who we are. If we accept ourselves without condemnation, then we won’t have to dump all our junk on others. 

Share your thoughts or take a look at our website click here



Romance- Keeping it alive

Romance- Keeping it alive Every couple has experienced romance. It is that unique spirit of adventure leading us into a deeper place...