Saturday, January 5, 2019


Contentment is often viewed as settling for what is and not working toward a better objective. St. Paul, in the fourth chapter of his letter to Phillipians, writes from a very difficult situation. The Romans have him in jail, the Jews want him dead and he can't even get some books from the local congregation he started. Basically it is a bad time, yet he writes to the church: "Whatever place I find myself in, there I am content." 

Obviously he isn't happy with the circumstance, but he chooses to view the situation from a larger perspective and not be caught up in the feeling of a victim. In relationships we often find ourselves in places we my not describe as happy, but what good does it do if we just get angry and play the victim. I see content as follows:








Experience shows the ego loves to go to the role of victim and then defend itself by either being depressed or angry, which never provides anything but more complications. Paul was able to see a larger picture and trusted the current circumstance would pass and the journey he was on would continue to a higher purpose. 

In relationships we have to see the higher purpose of being together and not focus on the momentary discomforts, which often come into play. The bottom line is, we can either complain and be a victim or learn to play until we win. It is a choice, just as every decision we make during our journey. Be content, not a victim and play until you win!

Any thoughts? Share them with us in the comments section or write us at Join the blog by becoming a Follower in the box on the right and we will send you a note every time we have a new post. For more information on our counseling go to NYCCC.ORG

If interested in a faith based approach to counseling see my book Inner Space (click here).

Friday, December 28, 2018


Every new year brings an abundance of thought about new beginnings. We go over the events of the last year and set goals for the new life before us. Generally we don't achieve all our new goals and sometimes we don't accomplish any of them. The key thing in facing the end of a year and the beginning of a new year is the conscious perspective that all life is evolving and whatever took place in the past was a foundation for all our future.

Many people like to think of new beginnings as a place of escaping from old problems. It is a fact that every new beginning means something has to end. Problem is, we often feel the past is so painful that the future is just too hard to visualize. 
Maybe we need to be like the caterpillar. When they believe they have reached the end of life, the butterfly has just found a new beginning. Let's resolve not to look back on what might have been with regret and negativity; rather let's simply look forward to what will be. 

Have a Happy and joy filled New Year. Any thoughts? Share them with us in the comments section or write us at Join the blog by becoming a Follower in the box on the right and we will send you a note every time we have a new post. For more information on our counseling go to NYCCC.ORG

If interested in a faith based approach to counseling see my book Inner Space (click here).

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Holliday's Suck

A reader sent in the following:
 “ I read your blog on acting like a “Victim” (click here to see that blog) and I do agree with your thoughts, however, yearend holidays leave me feeling very alone and frustrated. I am 41, divorced, no children, and scattered family. I didn’t choose to be here, but here I am. Is that being a victim, or am I just feeling sorry for myself?” Sidney

Sidney; this may be hard to hear, but feeling sorry for your self is victim thinking. The assumption things happened to me and now I am in such a bad place is faulty thinking. 

Obviously, we don’t know all the details about your 41 years of life, but we would venture to say nobody forced you to get married, get divorced, have no children, and be distant from your family. Those areas all reflect independent choices, and thus no room for victim thinking.

No matter how we got to this place, being lonely is difficult. However, once again this is a choice. There are thousands of organizations in need of help during the holidays providing a good place to meet people. There are personal development challenges you could take (vacation, a health spa, visit one of your scattered family members, etc.).

  It is never the people, places, or events in our lives that cause us negative emotions; it is what we believe about the people, places, and events that bring about our emotional health or pain.

A year from now will be the same set of holidays as you are experiencing today. What choices will you make this year so you will be in a better place at this time next year?  There are parties and there are pity parties; each of us can choose which one to attend.

One of the resources our client use is our book INNER SPACE (CLICK HERE). It is a guide for spiritually oriented therapy and provides help for reflective healing.
Inner Space: A Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy from a Spiritual Perspective

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Romance- Keeping it alive

Romance- Keeping it alive

Every couple has experienced romance. It is that unique spirit of adventure leading us into a deeper place of intimacy. For some it has been simple things like holding hands or sharing a special moment. For others it may be more passionate or ornate. However, for every relationship, it is romance which provides life and energy to face the routine of living.

We have couples come to us who have lost their romantic spark and, unfortunately,  their relationship reflects the emptiness of life. A tactic we use to help find a romantic connection is the following:

Each partner, separately, sits with a sheet of paper and creates the following list:

  1.   These are the things you used to do that made me feel loved.
  2.    These are the things you do now that make me feel loved.
  3.   These are the things you have never done that I would like you to do to make me feel loved.

We suggest at least five things in each section. Then exchange your lists and review them. The suggestions can be sexual, intimate, adventurous, etc. If something is listed the partner is not comfortable with, then it is dropped (i.e. running naked through the park, etc.)

Once the list is set, then each partner has the assignment of doing at east two of the suggestions each week. If the other partner realizes something on their list has taken place, they need to express gratitude for their partner’s effort.

Try it for at least a month and see how it works. Let us know your thoughts by sharing in the comment section below or write us at Sign up as a follower in the box on the right and we will notify you when a new posting takes place.

My book about the journey of relationships is called FOREVER YOURS. It is the fictional story of a man and women who fall in love in the 60's, raise a family and learn how to overcome the challenges of life in order to truly find their own relationship together. You can find out more at Amazon (click here). Or go to my website for more information. (Click here)

Monday, November 5, 2018

New journey

In relationships, it is a primary task to create an atmosphere where your partner feels respected, significant and a priority. (see our blog on this click here ). Fortunately, in our relationship as husband and wife we find this easy and fun.

 Because of this the following is a real joy to share as my fantastic wife is moving forward in her journey as a consultant. Hope you enjoy it. 

Monday, October 22, 2018



How easily those words seem to drift around in our casual conversations. It is good to find love, but what do we really mean when we say “I love you”?

We have children who provide a large cross-section of adventure in life, and we love them a lot. We have a great marriage, celebrate our life together and we love each other a lot. But we also love our boat. Are all these “love” feelings equal? Obviously they aren’t, but how do we differentiate between them?

In a newer relationship, the statement of “I LOVE YOU” is really a statement of ego. When we say “I Love You”’, what we are actually saying is “You make me feel good, and I love how I feel, so I need you to keep making me feel this way.” This level of love is more of ego infatuations and unfortunately, the large cross-section of relationships built on this foundation are destined to crumble when that feeling becomes less.

A Loving Relationship is one in which I realize you bring a lot of junk with you, but you also bring a lot of things I like. Therefore, I choose to be with you because I find the positive of what you bring outshines the negative. It is, once again, a choice I make to accept you “Just as you are”. This type of loving relationship will grow and be fruitful because it reflects on the positive rather than the negative aspects of the relationship.

Which would you rather come home to every day?

1. “You are such a slob. Can’t you ever pick up after yourself? I have to do everything. You are so lazy, can't you help me out. I can’t stand how you approach life.”


2. “You make me happy when you smile. I love being with you and feeling the joy of knowing you are a person who really cares for me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me”.

Obviously, unless you are a masochist, the choice would be the positive reinforcement. This will come when we choose to focus on the positive things of our partner, and stop trying to change the things we don’t like. What you see is what you get. 

A loving relationship is one in which I choose to love you even though you do bring junk and you love me even with all my junk. What we share is positive and beautiful and we will encourage these positive parts of each other.

Are you in love or in a loving relationship?

What are your thoughts? Email us at or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the “Follower and Friends” Box. The blog is also on Twitter at We send special email to followers and also will answer personal questions in a private email. We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. (see website at Email us if we can help.
Also have a new book out called FAULTLINE. Greed impacts the natural environment and leads to catastrophic problems. Also found on Amazon (click here)

Thursday, October 11, 2018


Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.”

Daily we meet people who are living in some type of fear, and generally it is destroying their life. Some people stay in bad relationships out of fear of being alone. Some stay in bad jobs out of fear of not having money. Parents often live in a place of fear for their children and all of us have a place where we entertain some fear we hope will never come into our lives weather it is sickness or even death.

There are two main boundaries in life and they are “Love” and “Fear”.  In many cases we view these boundaries as “bookends” holding the volumes of our life experiences on the bookshelf of our journey. As a Christian, we believe in the teachings of Jesus and use them as guidepost for my journey. One main focus we use and try to impart to others is this:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Not all our clients are Christian but generally all are on some type of spiritual journey, which can incorporate this guideline. Unfortunately, religion often functions contrary to this guideline by using fear as a main component of the journey of life. However, for a life journey designed to be one of peace, a positive spiritual understanding is more important than a rigid religious experience.

If I have not been given a spirit of fear, then what have I been given?

Power – a great gift to offset the often-stated weakness of human existence

Love – the core of all life and stability

Sound mind – a gift designed to offset the often-found insanity of this earthy journey.

A place of daily meditation would be to focus on this fact: if fear is not part of my spiritual make-up, why do I even pay attention to it? Instead, let me focus on the fact I have been given the ability to walk in power; love in abundance; and have a sound and peace-filed mind.

The Dalai Lama once taught: Love and compassion are necessities; not luxuries.
Without them, humanity cannot survive.
Let each day be a place of love and compassion and not fear. It will have to be a conscious decision to follow this thought, but the results will be well worthwhile.

Please share your thoughts on this in the section below. If you want to become a follower of our blog please fill in the information in the upper right corner of the page.

Fear and Love are key factors in understanding our journey. In my new book, OFF THE HOOK, a woman leaves a life of fear and finds true meaning in a place of love and spiritual understanding. Check it out at Amazon (click here)  or on my website (click here).

Also have a new book out called FAULTLINE. Greed impacts the natural environment and leads to catastrophic problems. Also found on Amazon (click here)


Contentment is often viewed as settling for what is and not working toward a better objective. St. Paul, in  the fourth chapter of  his...