OUR SOUL

It is interesting that Psychology is derived from the word Psyche which is interpreted “soul”, yet the Encyclopedia of Psychology has no entry for the soul. In our previous blog “we are one”, we explored the impact of Quantum Physics on our modern spiritual journey and showed how this science breakthrough clearly demonstrates how all things are connected, as all things begin and end as energy.

As we discussed, this energy comes from one source and we are one with this energy. Most spiritual journeys agree this creative energy source is God.

As theologian George Hermes states:
 From one Soul of the Universe are all Souls derived.

If we truly are one, then why are we so divided in so many ways? One common reason for this is we do not understand how we are all connected by the energy of our souls, for it is the soul, which connects us to the core of all life, God. 

If I go to the ocean and fill a glass of water, I have the ocean in the glass. It may lack the power and dynamic of the ocean, but it is one with it. We are the glass filled with the energy of God, we may lack the power and dynamic of the source, but we are still one with it.

If we don’t believe in God, then we are on a journey, which will be controlled by our interaction with the physical and not consciously part of the soul. However, even if we are thinking we are disconnected and do not believe in God, we are truly still connected by this soul energy; we are simply not taking advantage of the power this energy provides.

We do not have a soul, we are a soul and this is the common basis of all relationships. If I allow the human, physical world to define relationship, then I will be at the mercy of the ever changing and unpredictable natural world.

But if I connect to who I am as soul and merge this connection with another soul, then this relationship will have the ability to be guided by the strength and beauty of the universal source of the soul. 

WE ARE LIKE ISLANDS IN THE SEA, SEPARATE ON THE SURFACE BUT CONNECTED IN THE DEEP. 

 WILLIAM JAMES 

These thoughts depict the relationship reality for both romantic connection and friendship with others. But the true relationship begins with the relationship to who we are as individuals, for we are not someone who has a soul, we are the soul. 

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

We are One

In the last One Hundred years, our understanding of life has undergone a major evolution, which is easily understood but often either rejected or ignored. 

Until Albert Einstein gave the world the birth of Quantum Physics, our understanding of life was based on the belief that all things in life were separate from each other. A tree was a tree and thus was separate from the river and earth. As people we defined our self by our differences, which separated us from the other things around us.

Quantum Physics demonstrates all things are energy and thus not separate from each other but actually one. If we break all matter down to its smallest component, we find it is not solid material; rather it is energy, which is used to form matter but not limited by the matter it forms.

What does this mean to human existence both as individuals and in relationships?

Simple: We are all one. Not male, female, red, white, yellow, black, rich, poor – Just one.

Then why do we treat others so dreadfully? – Because we just don’t buy into the thought of one.

All this energy is not simply random; it is part of a greater source, which is the creator of all energy. This source is what most of us call God.

Think about this for a minute:

Genesis Ch.1

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 

2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 

4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 

5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day

When there was nothing, the source of all things brought all the existing energy together and made something. It wasn’t separate from the source; it was one, just in a new shape.

Obviously, this thought can be debated from a hundred angles, but the reality is, we are all one, from one source. We are not separate but one.

How does this change our life? Jesus left us with one solid insight which we need to truly understand.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.

Mark12:30,31

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. 

If I am one with my neighbor, then I love them as I love myself. 

Big problem is, do we love our self? 

Every human has traits and thoughts, which make the journey difficult and we will find fault with our self because of these negative traits, but our core is the positive creative energy, which unites us with others. We may not like all we do or think, and we may not care for all that others do or think, but at the core we are all one, created out of positive energy by the true source of all energy.

Relationships are simply an extension of each other. 

Love the essence of all, 

even if you don’t like the actions. 

Love never fails.

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

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Choices

The longer we are in our journey the more obvious it becomes that life is truly a series of choices. As  human beings, we are where we are today because of choices we have made along the way in our journey. 

Obviously, many things may happen to us along our journey, which have an impact on us we didn't choose. An abusive childhood, financial setbacks, painful relationships and other areas may take place, which we did not choose, but then we have a choice as to how we will move forward from these obstacles and correct our journey positively. That choice is the choice which impacts our life the most.

A general impact on choices may come from the following thoughts:

• I am what I have 
• I am what I do
• I am what others think of me

If these thoughts are a filter of understanding in our life, then we will make choices based on these dictates:

If I am what I have, then my possessions dictate my worth and I will make choices to have more so my worth will always be great. But I will never have enough, because possessions never bring fulfillment, there is always something more.

If I am what I do, then I must succeed in my occupation or talent so others will see my worth. Again, my choices in life will be guided by this dictate, but when will I ever be able to do enough to make life a success. Someone will always be doing better.

If I am what others think of me, then my choices will always be to make everyone happy, which, in all reality, will never happen. Thus my choices will lead to lack of self worth.

So what is the key to a journey of life which does bring fulfillment? I am what I choose to be.

I have to define who I am and how I want my journey to materialize, not based on possessions, position or popularity, but based on inner peace. 

This is not a user friendly world for the journey of life, but if I take responsibility for my journey being guided by my thoughts, then I will not be a victim of life, rather I will be in control of my journey and at peace with the direction I am steering it.

If I am unfulfilled in my journey, then I can make choices to change directions. I am not stuck in my unfulfilled place, I can always make the choice to change.

If I am unhappy in relationships, then I can make choices to either accept the relationship and find areas of good in it or I can make a choice to leave the relationships. 

If my health or age is making my life difficult, then I can make a choice to find things which bring a better sense of happiness and fulfillment. There is always something I can find to bring me greater peace.

If I don't take responsibility for my choices, then I will choose to be a victim of circumstances in my life and I will be stuck in my journey. 

If fear controls our life, then we will make choices to be in places which are difficult and we will define our journey from a victim understanding.

We have all been given free will to make choices. Make a choice today to make positive choices in order to enjoy the remainder of our journey.

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here)

NEW BEGINNINGS

Every new year brings an abundance of thought about new beginnings. We go over the events of the last year and set goals for the new life before us. Generally we don't achieve all our new goals and sometimes we don't accomplish any of them. The key thing in facing the end of a year and the beginning of a new year is the conscious perspective that all life is evolving and whatever took place in the past was a foundation for all our future.


Many people like to think of new beginnings as a place of escaping from old problems. It is a fact that every new beginning means something has to end. Problem is, we often feel the past is so painful that the future is just too hard to visualize. 
Maybe we need to be like the caterpillar. When they believe they have reached the end of life, the butterfly has just found a new beginning. Let's resolve not to look back on what might have been with regret and negativity; rather let's simply look forward to what will be. 

Have a Happy and joy filled New Year. Any thoughts? Share them with us in the comments section or write us at nyccc1@aol.com. Join the blog by becoming a Follower in the box on the right and we will send you a note every time we have a new post. For more information on our counseling go to NYCCC.ORG

If interested in a faith based approach to counseling see my book Inner Space (click here).

CHANGES

It has been a while since our last posting as we have been relocating from New York to Florida. We talked about this move for a few years and finally it all came together. While we loved New York and the journey we shared there, this new stage in our lives is exciting and, given it is almost November, much warmer.

We will continue to provide counseling sessions for those who desire, but for now everything will be done on the internet using video sessions. We have about forty clients who are currently using the internet sessions and all agree it is much easier and more convenient than going to a therapist office. For more information go to our website at www.nyccc.org.

The move has been somewhat stressful yet a fantastic time to truly place emphasis on the positive sides of our marriage and commitment to each other. A healthy relationship must be a conscious place of keeping positive energy and interaction.

What are the ingredients for a good relationship?  A partnership in relationship or romance must operate on the assumption that I am not better nor worse than the other person. I am simply an equal. I am equally wonderful and equally screwy as the person I care for. If they act poorly in circumstances, well, so do I. Without a sense of equality, there will be conflict containing a lot of blame and shame.  

What ingredients do I need to pour into this relationship to positively help it to grow?   In our experience, three areas are necessary for a good relationship. 

1. I feel I am significant to my partner, 
2. I feel I am respected by my partner, 
3. I feel I am a priority to my partner.

If we have a sense these three areas are working in our relationship, then we feel safe and can be vulnerable.  Think about your current or past relationship.  Do you (or did you) feel you are a priority to your partner?   Do they respect you and do they respond to you so you feel you are significant to them?   If you can answer yes to all three, you probably have a very compatible and safe relationship. If you don’t have these positive ingredients, then you most likely have left that relationship, or if you are still in it, it is probably not the safest place for your emotional stability.                                                                                                                     
 So how do I establish a relationship that reflects these ingredients?  Simple; make a conscious choice to make my partner feel significant, respected, and a priority.   

The core understanding to any significant relationship is this , “the only person I have control over in the relationship is myself”.   I may desire my significant other to be different, but I cannot force them to change or line up with my expectations. 

Likewise, I cannot expect them to provide me a sense of respect, significance, or prioritization. However, I do have the ability to provide these core ingredients for them. If both parties are working to consciously provide respect, significance and prioritization to the other partner, then we will have harmonious relationship. 

If I am working to provide this for my partner, but they are not reciprocating, then I have to make a choice if I want to be in the relationship (see our blog on Choices).  In a relationship, which does not reflect a mutuality of respect, significance and priority, there will be an atmosphere of conflict in which both parties try to win an argument in order to establish their place of significance, respect , or priority. 

 Think about this, do you have a lot of arguments but most of the time you can’t remember what you were arguing about during the conflict?   If so, then there is a very strong chance one or both of the parties in the relationship is feeling disrespected, insignificant, or non-prioritized. 

If this is the case, remember, the only person you can change in the relationship is ……… you!   Share your thoughts or become a follower to the blog so we can send other information directly.  If this helps you, tell others. If it doesn’t  or if you have other topics you want to discuss, tell us.  Email us click here. 

 Dr. T and Dr. Jan.