I Like Me

One of the primary requirements of good relationships is the ability to like yourself. 

If we are counting on  someone to create our positive self respect, then we will always be a reflection of how they like or dislike who we are, which is really dangerous. 

Here is a little exercise we use to help meditate on self respect:

Respecting our self

Make an internal commitment to respect yourself and to feel worthy of all life has to offer. 

The law of sowing and reaping attracts disrespect when we're affirming we are unworthy and we literally say to the universal source of all, "STOP THE FLOW OF ANYTHING I DESIRE, WHICH IS COMING IN MY DIRECTION, BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IM WORTHY OF RECEIVING IT."

If we want to harvest corn we have to plant corn. If we plant wheat, we will not harvest corn. This is the law of sowing and reaping embraced by all major religions.
In addition, the law of physics states, for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

If we sow our negativity and unworthiness the universe around us will will respond, causing us to reaffirm our inner conviction of unworthiness and attract even more disrespect in a multitude of ways.

The provider of all things can do nothing other than provide. A tree grows and receives provision so it reaches its potential. It receives because it doesn't know how not to. 

We are the same as a tree, but our ego comes up with thoughts which block our provision. God, the source all good things, will keep providing, it is our negative expectation which turns away the positive provision. In the vacuum we create, the negative things fill the void.

Reflection for meditation:

I am not my body. I am not my accumulations. I am not my achievements. I am not my reputation. I am whole and perfect as I was created!

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

Our new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations. For more information on how to order our book (click here).

OUR SOUL

It is interesting that Psychology is derived from the word Psyche which is interpreted “soul”, yet the Encyclopedia of Psychology has no entry for the soul. In our previous blog “we are one”, we explored the impact of Quantum Physics on our modern spiritual journey and showed how this science breakthrough clearly demonstrates how all things are connected, as all things begin and end as energy.

As we discussed, this energy comes from one source and we are one with this energy. Most spiritual journeys agree this creative energy source is God.

As theologian George Hermes states:
 From one Soul of the Universe are all Souls derived.

If we truly are one, then why are we so divided in so many ways? One common reason for this is we do not understand how we are all connected by the energy of our souls, for it is the soul, which connects us to the core of all life, God. 

If I go to the ocean and fill a glass of water, I have the ocean in the glass. It may lack the power and dynamic of the ocean, but it is one with it. We are the glass filled with the energy of God, we may lack the power and dynamic of the source, but we are still one with it.

If we don’t believe in God, then we are on a journey, which will be controlled by our interaction with the physical and not consciously part of the soul. However, even if we are thinking we are disconnected and do not believe in God, we are truly still connected by this soul energy; we are simply not taking advantage of the power this energy provides.

We do not have a soul, we are a soul and this is the common basis of all relationships. If I allow the human, physical world to define relationship, then I will be at the mercy of the ever changing and unpredictable natural world.

But if I connect to who I am as soul and merge this connection with another soul, then this relationship will have the ability to be guided by the strength and beauty of the universal source of the soul. 

WE ARE LIKE ISLANDS IN THE SEA, SEPARATE ON THE SURFACE BUT CONNECTED IN THE DEEP. 

 WILLIAM JAMES 

These thoughts depict the relationship reality for both romantic connection and friendship with others. But the true relationship begins with the relationship to who we are as individuals, for we are not someone who has a soul, we are the soul. 

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

Forgivness -The Key to Freedom

 

Mark Twain once wrote: What a wee little part of a person’s life are his or her acts and words! Their real life is led in their head, and is known to none but them self.

The deep truth of Mark Twain’s words is painful when we consider how many thoughts we have on an hourly basis, which are known only to our self. I may smile at someone, but my thoughts may be in a hundred places at that moment and have very little to do with my smile. For instance:

I don’t like this person. I am going to be late. Why do they always dress so well? I remember when I dressed well. Why am I so angry? I hate smiling when I am in a hurry. I wonder if I turned the iron off.

These random waterfall of thoughts will generally pass through our mind and not take roost. However, one thought pattern can have catastrophic impact on our daily emotional journey - LACK OF FORGIVENESS. This thought pattern is a source of inner conflict reflecting historical happenings, which have nothing to do with the present moment, but will cause us to plummet into the ibis of unhealthy thoughts as we attempt to navigate our daily life.

There are many people, places or events in any life, which leave wounds and hurts in our memory and then we relive them when they choose to surface. If a person caused me pain ten years ago, then why am I giving my current energy to this past happening? My lack of forgiveness will contain a great deal of negative energy, which will impact my current journey, yet not impact the person who I am now choosing not to forgive in the past

Tehyi Hsieh (1884-1972) a Chinese philosopher once wrote:

A road that does not lead to other roads must always be retraced, 

unless a traveler chooses to rust at the end of it.

"Lack of forgiveness" is such a road we may travel down repeatedly and then have to turn around and return to our journey; a perfect waste of time. 

Or, another choice is to go down the road of “lack of forgiveness”, then just stay at the end of this road and rust until we die. This is a terrible waste of a journey, but lack of forgiveness is a dirty, dusty road, which many simply choose to make as their final destination. 

The pains of the past are real and we need to embrace them as part of our journey. But once embraced, we then need to leave the pain in the past, forgive the person or event which caused the pain, and then move on with our journey. 

If we choose to stay in the painful place, then the perpetrator of our pain will not be held back, only we will, and this is a choice with no positive outcome.

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

The A,B,C's of Life

Our therapy base is called Cognitive/Behavioral Therapy and is modeled after Albert Ellis, the father of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy.

The outline of this therapy is :

A = Activating event,  Something going on in the world around us.

B = Belief about the "something going on in the world around us".

C = The consequence  Our emotions about what we (B) believe concerning (A) the Activating event in the world around us.

For example:
I wake up in the morning and it is raining (the A). I am angry at the rain (the C) because I wanted to go on a picnic and it shouldn't be raining (the B).

Our emotions, (in this case anger) the C, are always controlled by the A (It is raining) and the B (It should not be raining).

The key to this is all in the (B) Belief. When I make a strong demand on something (It shouldn't rain) then my EGO system (self protection/self evaluation) checks to see if this demand is being met by using the senses (I see it is raining, I hear the rain, I smell rain, etc.) When the EGO system discovers the demand (it shouldn't be raining) is not being met, it automatically assumes we are out of control and goes into fight (anger) or flight (depression, anxiety,guilt, etc) in order to protect us from the unfulfilled demand (B).

To keep healthy emotions, we have to be very conscious of what demands we are placing on the world around us (It should not rain; They must like me; They should be smarter; I must never make a mistake, etc.).

  VS 

To avoid unhealthy emotions (the C) we need to consciously not put strong demands (the B) on the world around us. If we change our demands (should, must, have to) to preference (wish, like, prefer) then we will not be trying to control the world and not setting off the EGO system into fight or flight emotions.

Preference example:
I see it is raining (A). I wish (B) (a preference not demand) it wasn't raining because I wanted to go on a picnic today. The rain is (C) disappointing, but maybe I will just go to a movie and have fun there.

To live a more peaceful and joyful life, put preferences on the world around you and try not to make strong demands on things you cannot control. 

In reality, in this world, we do not have control over anything accept for our own emotions. We may think we are controlling things, but any situation can change rapidly.

Remember the outline:

A. The Activating event which we see, feel, think, or experience.

B. What I Believe about this event. I can not control or change it so I will not put demands on it such as should or must, but will use preferences like wish, prefer, like, etc.

C. The consequence of what I believe, (disappointed, sad, concerned, etc. but not angry, depressed, anxious, etc,)

If you want to study this in more depth, We have a book on Amazon called Inner Space which goes into detail on how to walk in a peaceful and content journey of life. (click here for more information)

or

Thoughts for the Journey of Life

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here).

LOVE vs FEAR

Our journey as counselors has always been highly dependent on spiritual understandings. Over many years of client interaction, we have concluded religion in all forms often makes our spiritual journey difficult. 

Churches, Synagogs, Mosques and other places of religious gathering are important in joining together and celebrating our common beliefs, but when this gathering becomes more important than our spiritual journey, it is no longer a place of growth, rather a place of frustration. If our journey of life is to be positive and fulfilling, we need to set aside all the confusing strong judgements of religion and embrace the reality of love

All emotions begin in either Love or Fear. Most religions agree "God is Perfect Love" and therefore the culmination of all experience in the eternal plan of life. If we find ourselves in any emotion other than Love, we need to experience and understand this emotion, then seek for the way Love provides a better option.

The Christian bible states "Perfect Love casts out Fear (1 John 4:18)" but we will never understand the power of Perfect Love until we experience Fear. 

For example: A person will never understand tall unless exposed to short, wet until knowing dry, peace until knowing anger. 

Knowing about the shadow or fear side of life gives us the ability to understand the light side, which is love. With both these options clearly understood, we make a choice as to which to follow.

Fear always presents itself when love appears, but turning from the fear allows a life of creative peace and love. For example:

I love you (statement of love)

Do you really love me? (statement of fear)

I really love you  (statement of love)

How long will he/she love me? (statement of fear)

I will never leave you or forsake you (God's Perfect Love)

But what if I don’t do things right (Religious Fear)

The creative journey depends on trusting the fact that God loves us and does not judge us but simply observes how we use our gift of life. Most religions teach that God is the source of Unconditional Love. 

However, religion then goes on to tell us what conditions we have to meet in order to receive Unconditional Love. 

This is confusing as how can it be unconditional if it has conditions?

                                                 

When we live outside of the Perfect Love, we will most likely do and say things which will provide a less than fulfilling life. While these actions fall outside of Perfect Love, we are always loved unconditionally even if our actions may be imperfect. We may find judgement for our inappropriate actions, but our essence or intrinsic nature is always loved unconditionally. 

On a human level, we may not like a persons behaviors or words but we will not judge them as a person, only dislike their action. 

Our life journey is to choose who we will be and then experience what we create. If I choose to be a person of peace then love will guide me. But if I choose to abide in anger or anxiety, then fear is my guiding force.This process teaches us how to know what Love and Fear are. By experiencing these opposite feelings, we then have the choice to walk in either one or the other and learn from them.

 Whatever the choice we make, it will provide information and guidance for our eternal journey.

Ultimately, God's love is always with us, for nothing can separate us from the love of God. It is this Unconditional Perfect Love, which allows us to experience life and make decisions we about, "Who I Am". 

This Perfect Love will never condemn, it will only observe. No matter what I create, it is always something useful in understanding Perfect Love. As long as we trust Perfect Love is there for us, our journey will be positive. If we doubt this Perfect Love, then we walk with fear, and we will create more fear.

Spend a few moment asking yourself what you truly believe about God's Perfect, Unconditional Love. We can't live positively unless we really believe it.

                                            

Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.

The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.

For more information on how to order our book (click here)