What if someone asked you why you have such a great relationship - what would you answer?
We have a great relationship because_____________________.
A lot of relationships are so lost that filling in the blank would be impossible. Here is a chance to start working on a relationship vision that will enable you to fill in the blank. If we don’t have a vision of what we want, we will never have anything.
Relationship Vision
An exercise to find
the potential in your relationship
1. Each
partner takes a sheet of paper and writes a series of short statements describing their personal vision of a deeply satisfying love relationship. Include
qualities you already have and want to keep plus qualities you wish you
had. Write each sentence in the present tense, i.e. “We are loving parents,”
“We have great communication” etc.. Make all statements positive such as “We
settle all differences peacefully” rather than “We don’t fight.”
2. Share
your statements with each other. Note the items you have in common and
underline them (common thoughts). If your partner has statements you agree
with and have not put on your sheet, add them to yours. Ignore for now the ones
you do not share.
3. Now
return to your own list and rate all the statements from 1 (very important) to
5 (not so important)
4. Circle
the ones that are most important to you.
5. Put
a check mark by the ones you think would be most difficult for the two of you
to accomplish.
6. Work
together to design a mutual relationship vision. Start with the items you
consider most important. Put a check by the ones you both consider the most
difficult to achieve and complete the list with the relatively least important.
If you have a statement which causes conflict, try to find a compromise
statement. If you can not, then leave off the list.
7. Put
the list where you can read it daily and once a week, read it aloud to one
another. Work together to build a relationship vision.
Example:
We have a great relationship because _______________.
Bill Sally
1 We
have fun together 1
1 We
settle differences peacefully 1
1 We
worship together 1
2 We
develop friends 1
1 We
have a deeper intimacy 2
2 We
save money 2
3 We
travel 2
4 We
visit our parents regularly 4
5 We share the same political views 5
Thoughts for the Journey of Life
Over the last years, as a couple and as practicing therapists, we watched our journey take many different detours and adjustments, but as a couple we have tenaciously held on to our journey plan of loving each other and making the best of what we experienced.
The new book is a compilation of some thoughts and exercises from our journey, which we anticipate may help others as a roadmap or a GPS to keep them on course in order to reach their destinations.
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