In our blog, The First Romance Story, we reviewed the
aspect of equality being the core of contemporary relationships. Just
what is equality in relationship and how does it work? Obviously, equality
is a belief I am not better nor worse than my significant other. It
is a place of harmony. In modern relationships, I find there is much lip
service given to “equality”, but there is not a heartfelt desire to see our
partner as an equal.
Generally, equality is extended
as long as the other person does what I want, but if they don’t fit into
my pattern of understanding they are no longer my equal, they are my
enemy. I will love you forever, as
long as you don’t leave the cap off the tooth paste, don’t track in muddy
shoes, don’t lie to me, don’t provide less than I am entitled in life. If you
don’t live up to my demands and expectations, then you are a terrible person
who I must either attack or retreat from for my own protection.
I often hear couples say, “My
partner just seemed to change after we got married. I don’t know what
happened.” The simple answer is they both lost their ability to see each
other as equals. As equals, we are mutually loving and mutually screwy,
and that is just who we are! So how do we maintain equality in relationships? Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). If
we really can accept ourselves unconditionally, love ourselves even with our
crazy ways of living, and be at peace with our own illogical thinking and
behavior, then we can obviously feel the same way about others. However, if we
don’t like ourselves, then how much of a chance does our partner stand? USA –
Unconditional Self Acceptance. How unique would that be in relationships? If I
love “I” then I will love “we”. This
will be expanded in our next blog. Dr. T.
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