I LOVE YOU!!!!
How easily those words seem to drift around in our casual conversations. It is good to find love, but what do we really mean when we say “I love you”?
We have children who provide a large cross-section of adventure in life, and we love them a lot. We have a great marriage, celebrate our life together and we love each other a lot. But we also love our boat. Are all these “love” feelings equal? Obviously they aren’t, but how do we differentiate between them?
In a newer relationship, the statement of “I LOVE YOU” is really a statement of ego. When we say “I Love You”’, what we are actually saying is “You make me feel good, and I love how I feel, so I need you to keep making me feel this way.” This level of love is more of ego infatuations and unfortunately, the large cross-section of relationships built on this foundation are destined to crumble when that feeling becomes less.
A Loving Relationship is one in which I realize you bring a lot of junk with you, but you also bring a lot of things I like. Therefore, I choose to be with you because I find the positive of what you bring outshines the negative. It is, once again, a choice I make to accept you “Just as you are”. This type of loving relationship will grow and be fruitful because it reflects on the positive rather than the negative aspects of the relationship.
Which would you rather come home to every day?
1. “You are such a slob. Can’t you ever pick up after yourself? I have to do everything. You are so lazy, can't you help me out. I can’t stand how you approach life.”
2. “You make me happy when you smile. I love being with you and feeling the joy of knowing you are a person who really cares for me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me”.
Obviously, unless you are a masochist, the choice would be the positive reinforcement. This will come when we choose to focus on the positive things of our partner, and stop trying to change the things we don’t like. What you see is what you get.
A loving relationship is one in which I choose to love you even though you do bring junk and you love me even with all my junk. What we share is positive and beautiful and we will encourage these positive parts of each other.
Are you in love or in a loving relationship?
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