Bond, James Bond

Bond, James Bond

A reader wrote the following:

I read your information on the “mother/son” impact and I can identify with it greatly. My mother was a very strong person, who I greatly admire, but also deeply resent. My father died when I was young and she never remarried. I feel like I grew into my adult years when I was about five. Unfortunately, I never developed confidence in my own identity, and thus have had a difficult time in relationships. To be honest, I did think I was gay for a few years, but gave up on that as something that really doesn’t interest me. I just see myself as weak and not a real man. Am I stuck in this or is there something I can do?

WMS

We replied;

Obviously, the strong mother left you in a place of needing nurturing and you will look to relationships to provide that level of healing. Unfortunately, the nurturing has to begin with you before you can look to others. See our blog on I am a GREAT CUPCAKE.  Therapy would greatly help, but for a short term exercise try the following:

   1. Make a list of all the things that you don’t like about yourself.  Draw a line down the paper and in the second column write the exact opposite of the negative you feel. Both exist , you are simply focusing on the negative and not the positive; If there is a left, there is a right. If there is an up there is a down. It is just a fact of life. When you think negative, remember the positive is also there.

   2. Think of someone who you greatly admire as a strong male figure. One of our clients thought about being James Bond. Draw into this person and think about how they would handle situations. Our client would spend a few seconds thinking to himself, “Bond, I am James Bond” and then would enter the situation with that feeling. It is role-play, and is designed to build short term distraction from your fears and sense of inadequacy. Ultimately you have to be you, but what the heck, you can always enjoy your Bond Moments – You Only Live Twice!!!!

What are your thoughts? How do you handle the struggles of life? Email us click here or place a comment below. Join us as a follower in the box to the right, and we will automatically send you each new post. Thanks for all your replies and thoughts.