Modern Romance

                        The term modern romance often conjures up thoughts of hot steamy love affairs with fantasy men and perfect women. While this may be part of the focus for some modern romance, the core to understanding modern romance has to be an understanding of the modern woman.

The sixty’s provided a backdrop for the emergence of the modern woman into a world that was, in many ways, ill prepared for her arrival. While the women’s movement paved a new road, the true modern woman was not defined by or constrained within social\political ideals. Rather, she is simply a woman who walks upon a stage as an equal, and not as a possession. While she still struggles with equality in many segments, her main stress comes not from without but from within. “Now that I can be what I want, who am I”?

Just how does this play out in modern romance and relationships? What is equality in relationship and how does it work?

 

Obviously, equality is a belief I am not better nor worse than my significant other.  It is a place of harmony. In modern relationships, I find there is much lip service given to “equality”, but there is not a heartfelt desire to see our partner as an equal.

Generally, equality is extended as long as the other person does what I want and acts as I require, but if they don’t fit into my pattern of understanding they are no longer my equal, they are my enemy.  

I will love you forever, as long as you don’t leave the cap off the tooth paste, don’t track in muddy shoes, don’t lie to me, don’t provide less than I am entitled to in life. If you don’t live up to my demands and expectations, then you are a terrible person who I must either attack or retreat from for my own protection.

I often hear couples say, “My partner just seemed to change after we got married. I don’t know what happened.” 

The simple answer is both partners lost their ability to see each other as equals.  As equals, we are mutually loving and mutually screwy, and that is just who we are!

So how do we maintain equality in relationships? Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). If we really can accept ourselves unconditionally, love ourselves even with our crazy ways of living, and be at peace with our own illogical thinking and behavior, then we can obviously feel the same way about others. However, if we don’t like ourselves, then how much of a chance does our partner stand? USA – Unconditional Self Acceptance. How unique would that be in relationships?  

We will explore the complexity of this modern outlook in the next few blogs, but for now simply spend some time thinking about how you view yourself through the eyes of Unconditional Self Acceptance. Feel free to share your thoughts and questions in the comments below. To be a regular part of our blog simply fill in the signup section on the right side of the page.

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