Spell Check for Relationships

Spell Check for Relationships

One of the hardest things in a relationship is getting past some of the hurts we encounter. People in relationship will hurt each other. It is just logical that somehow we are going to say something that just leaves a mark. If we keep doing this to our relationship partner, it is probably a sign we have a lot of deep anger and need to work on it. However, in most relationships, the hurts are not constant, they are just part of our history together.

It is important to get past the hurt and move into the positive aspects of being together. Our ego loves to hang on to the times when our partners did or said something wrong. We have clients who hold on to past grudges and replay them with such clarity you would think it happened an hour ago rather than ten years ago.

Our past is subject to our control and we can change our approach to it if we desire. One technique is to view our past memories like a Spell Check in a computer. If I type Trumt in my computer, it underlines it in red, an indication of an error. If Trumt is a word I want to use forever, I simply go into the database of the Spell Check and tell it to add the new word to the memory.

Hurts from the past can be dealt with the same way. If my partner said something a year ago that hurt me, and I want to stop feeling bad about it, I can go into my emotional database and tell my ego that particular situation is no longer painful. If I come up with the thought again in the future, I will remind myself it is no longer a hurtful memory and move on. It takes about three times to truly make the ego go along with the change. Remember, you are in charge of your life, not your ego.

Thus we are never victims.

Any thoughts. Share them with us in the comments section or write us at nyccc1@aol.com. Join the blog by becoming a Follower in the box on the right and we will send you a note every time we have a new post. For more information on our counseling go to NYCCC.ORG

USA in Relationships and Romance

Talking to people, I’m often fascinated with the level of disrespect many have toward themselves. I think a lot of the anger in our society is an attempt by others to make people around them feel as miserable about life as they do.
For example, if I don't like who I am, then you become a threat. Not that you did anything, just the fact that you exist bothers me, because you may seem to be happy, and I am not. Therefore, let me make you unhappy so I feel better.

After thousands of years of evolving as the human species, it often seems we haven’t come very far.

One of the things I use in my practice is the aspect of U.S.A.. In this case, U.S.A. stands for Unconditional Self Acceptance. That means a person will accept who they are without judgement. I am a wonderful person and I am also a person who has not so wonderful aspects. I love humor but I also have a dark side. It is just who I am. No judgement, just observation.

Try it sometime when your inner voice tells you all the bad things about yourself. Just say, “Yep that’s true” and then remember that the opposite is also part of you. It is just who we are. If we accept ourselves without condemnation, then we won’t have to dump all our junk on others. 

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SEVEN WORDS FOR CONTENTMENT

In relationships we often become bogged down with the foiled expectations of past events and/or current problems. As we discussed in the blog I Hate Being Single, the problems of life are not the people, places or events that don't cooperate with our plans; it is what we believe about those people, places or events. 

The stronger I try to control things outside of myself, the more frustrated I will become. The more  I say, "It should not snow" or "I must not be unhappy"; the more I am setting myself up for pain. Why? Because, in reality, how much control do I have over the snow or over everything making me happy. In all honesty, both situations are equal concerning how much control we can exert; It is almost none.

When our clients are in situations that seem to be going against their desires or expectations, we encourage them to follow two sets of thoughts. One contains four words "THIS TOO SHALL PASS", and the other is three words, "WHAT IS, IS".

Think of what you individually were doing five years ago. It may have been a wonderful time or a very painful time, but in either case, it is now in the past. The same thing applies to today. Five years from now, all you are experiencing will be a part of history and you will be involved in new challenges and adventures. So whatever is going on, remember, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Today, however, there may be things happening, which are difficult and provide roadblocks to our dreams. If we demand what is going on shouldn't be happening, we have to again ask ourself, how much control do I have over these circumstances? Most likely, very little. Thus, look at the circumstances of today and admit, WHAT IS, IS. We may not like what is, but let's face reality, what is, is. Now let's work on solution rather than demanding the problem should not exist.

WHAT IS, IS.  THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  Seven word for contentment. Let us know what your thoughts are by entering them in the comment section below or email us click here . Enter in as a follower of the blog and we will automatically send you a copy of each new post.