Terrible, Horrible, Awful

Terrible, Horrible, Awful

It is interesting to watch the news and see just how bad the world is portrayed. The real truth is, at any given moment, the world is not as bad as the news suggests. 

For example, we are currently going through a winter that is less than fun for those who enjoy warm weather. It is what it is, and we can't change it, but to listen to the local news cast, it truly sounds like the end of the world. This is how they sell news!

However, in relationships it is not a good idea to take the facts and expand them beyond their real limits. 

Often, we talk to couples and hear one partner complain how the other partner never pays attention to them (or never takes out the garbage, or never does the dishes, etc.). Logically, if we look at the amount of time a couple spends together, it is virtually impossible for one person to NEVER pay attention to the other. This type of global assessment is very defeating to a partner who tries to pay attention, but sometimes fails. If there is never credit given for the positive attempts, then why bother to even try.

It seems when things don't go our way, we often make a quantum leap from a place of disappointment to a reaction of terrible, horrible, awful! 

If a person is expected to arrive for a date at 7:00pm but doesn't show up until 7:30, does this qualify as terrible, horrible, awful? Even if they do it repeatedly, it still doesn't qualify because they are now doing the predictable and we choose to stay with them. It is our choice, so why go to a place of such deep emotional pain?

One way to lower our emotional response to disappointment is to come up with a scale of "awfulization" with "0" being things are wonderful and "10" things are terrible and horrible. Now, what would qualify as terrible and horrible? We suggest something really painful, such as the death of a close friend or loved one. If our best friend is hit by a car and dies, it would be a "10" in the terrible, horrible awful scale. 

10

0

Now, where does being a half hour late fit on the scale? If you think it is a "10", then you really need individual therapy. Obviously, on this scale, it would only rate maybe a 2 or 3. 

Where does ______________ fit in on this scale? The blank is the area in your relationship that causes you great emotional pain. If it isn't at the 10 level, but you keep reacting like it is, then you are causing yourself and the relationship problems.

What are your thoughts? Email us at nyccc1.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, add your email in the upper right corner of this blog. Our web page is www.nyccc.org. We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. Email us if we can help.

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