Sex and relationships Part 1

Sex and relationships
If we are going to talk about relationships and romance, we have to deal with sex.  It is interesting that something as simple as a biological process can become a subject providing such diverse prospective. In animals, sex is simply an unconscious desire to reproduce. In humans, this is also part of sex, but there is obviously more to the definition than simple reproduction.

From a psychological perspective, sex is the highest level of vulnerability within our evaluative makeup. The act of sexual relationship places two individuals in very vulnerable positions with potentially negative evaluations. We keep our sexual organs buried beneath cover to be sure we are not judged about our ultimate statement of masculinity and femininity, then suddenly, in one moment, we expose this vulnerable place to another person. This can be very scary.

One of the reasons pornography and other fantasy sexual expressions are so popular is the illusion of protection they provide regarding vulnerability. In these illusions, a person can have a sense of sexual vulnerability, but maintain full control of the environment, thus limiting the potential of pain and rejection. Pornography is not the main problem in this struggle; it is the addictive tendency we all have, which takes us to a place of pleasure with seemingly no potential risk.

So what are people in relationships supposed to do with sex? We could make a flippant statement and simply say "enjoy it", but this is not only too general, it is too dangerous. Our social and moral societies have certain norms and expectations regarding what is acceptable. Obviously these rules are evolving and what was norm thirty years ago is very different today. However, we didn't invent sexual activity as a modern society. Read about the Greco/Roman concepts and you will see we still have a lot of latitude to go before we proclaim we are a sexual society.

As we explore this topic of sex, consider these things and jot down some notes for your own use:
1. What are my expectations concerning sex?
2. What fear does sex bring to me?
3. How do I see myself with sex; vulnerable or controlling?
4. What if my partner never wanted to have sex?

Share some of your thoughts on this subject. As therapist, we find sex is one of the biggest problems in relationships, so we are certain many of you have thoughts and questions. What are your thoughts? Share your comment below. We will continue this study in Part 2.

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