Mother /Son Father/daughter…some comments

Mother /Son Father/daughter…some comments


We introduced the thought that adult relationships are formulated, to a large extent, by childhood. Got a lot of comments and will share a few. We do appreciate your email comments, but would also like to have readers comment on the post page so other can dialog and we can share together. First email response:

I am 28, married for a year, and no children. When I read your “mother/son” post I checked to see if you had sent it directly to my attention. My husband has a very strange relationship with his mother and it is now playing out in our marriage. She is a very controlling woman, who is successful in life, but not in relationships. She has been married several times, and my husband’s father is not in his life since he was a baby. I knew she was a strong woman before I married, but in the last several months, she has been more intrusive than normal. Nevertheless, I am not bothered by her actions as much as my husbands. It seems that the more she tries to run our lives, the more my husband seems to be angry with me. From what you shared in your blog, I think the “Mother Complex” is working and I am getting the brunt of his destructive behavior. I am concerned about this, and would like some guidance in this problem. Thanks for any help and know that your posts are real life savers many times.. MK

We responded:

MK. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, you seem to be correct in your evaluation of your husband’s reaction to his mother. Because we don’t know him and are only relying on your input, we may be wrong, but it does appear that he is looking for you to provide him the “mothering” that his own mother refuses to give. Most likely she has been a very dominant part of his life since he can remember, and perhaps not the highest level of nurturing. The more she becomes negative about your marriage, the more he feels like a failure and demands that you nurture him. Unfortunately, because the complex is being fed by the negative input of his mother, there isn’t enough positive input available to make him feel better.

The answer is for him to become conscious of his reaction to his mother and separate childhood from adulthood. The two of you are a new unit, and as such are not subject to the mother’s evaluation. Set goals and objectives for your marriage that reflect who the two of you are and, as you meet those goal, celebrate the victory with great enthusiasm. If you set a goal to travel more, when you take a trip, have a great dinner celebration marking the fact that you are doing what you both set out to do. Mom will not change and you can’t change your husband. He has to be willing to see his reactions and consciously move into a better place emotionally. However, you can make the new journey together a place that is a reflection of positive love and acceptance.

Share your thoughts with us by email tomailto:jttwerell@jttwerell.com or even better, share a comment below so all can journey together. Join our blog by entering the Follower and Friends box to the right or check the FaceBook or Twitter I LIKE button.