Internet Romance

Watching commercials for internet dating is like watching advertising for the lotto. It sounds so easy and everyone has a chance to win. However, as in everything in life, there are very few shortcuts to successful relationships. Our clients who have used the internet report a mixture of results that seem to fall into some interesting categories. Let's explore some of the positive and negative aspects of the internet romance:

1. The most positive impact provided by internet dating is the ease of finally meeting someone without having to go out on a blind date. The negative part of this same impact is the ease of making things up about yourself and pretending it is true. We have heard of some real shipwrecks because a person advertised they were something they were not. Some of the dating sites use testing that helps out, but you really never know what a person is until your truly spend time together. We suggest our clients set up the first face to face meeting as a lunch date. That way, if things aren't positive in the date, you aren't stuck with a long night of difficult interaction.

2. Another positive aspect of the internet date is the ability to dialog with someone without having to actually enter into the vulnerability of a date. Emails, telephone, text, video, and other modern tools provide a means of exchange allowing us to know a great deal about a person without having actually gone out with them. The negative part of this is the lack of true emotional understanding the internet provides. If I receive an email that says "I have a hard time understanding you," in all honesty, I will have no idea what this means. It may mean I have a bad connection; you don't speak clearly; you and I are not communicating; or I am partially deaf. Unless I am given some idea of the emotion behind the words, they really could mean anything.

3.  A third aspect of internet dating that may be seen as positive is the building of understanding, which can take place before the pressure of performing. Every early date is a place of performing for approval. We show our best behavior (hopefully), most charming conversations and best emotions. While all this is good, it does preclude actually getting to know someone until the second or third date. With the internet, information is exchanged and we get to know more about education, goals, dreams, etc. Again, the danger is the person who gives false information. That is why a lunch date is the safest first date. Find out what is really true, and then go forward or go home.

What are your thoughts? Email us at nyccc1@aol.com or comment below. If you want to be a follower of the blog, click on the “Follower and Friends” Box.  We send special email to followers and also will answer personal questions in a private email. We also provide internet counseling by Skype or phone. Email us if we can help.