THE SHADOW - PART 1

I don’t know why I got so angry. I just can’t help it.

I don’t know why I used the drugs. I just can’t stop.

I don’t know why I cheated. I am such a terrible person.

Over the years we found it interesting to listen to people as they struggled to explain why they said or acted out certain thoughts and behaviors seemingly destructive to their life. These actions range from addictive behaviors to relationship problems, such as affairs or heated arguments. The term for these actions we call the shadow side of life, loosely based on the thoughts of Carl Jung, a brilliant psychologist around the turn of the century.

The shadow side is the darkness that seems to creep into our lives when we least expect it, and somehow disrupt an otherwise beautiful moment. However, it is a predictable part of life if we approach shadow with a conscious understanding and not allow it to lurk in hidden places.

Wherever you may be at the moment, look around and observe there are shadows. Where there is light, there has to be a shadow. This is the wonderful message in this discovery: there has never been enough shadow to put out a light, but if you turn on enough lights, shadows disappear. Walk into a completely dark room and light a match. The darkness can’t put out the match, but the light will overpower the darkness every time.

This is true of the shadow side of our human nature. No matter how dark my shadow is, if I turn on a light, the shadow becomes smaller. However, if I choose to simply be in darkness and turn off light, then I will be in shadow.

So what is the light? The complex question has a reasonably simple answer. Light is the positive in the midst of the negative. Light is the hope in the midst of the hopeless. Light is the abundance in the midst of lack. Light is always stronger than shadow, all we need to do is acknowledge the presence of light and not fall into the shadow.

How do I do this? The first part is to acknowledge the shadow for what it is and not deny it. The second part is to acknowledge the light is stronger than the shadow. Over the next few weeks we will explore this concept toward recovery as we go step by step through the following thoughts:

Questions to ask when confronting the shadow:

1.Why am I hiding this bad thought, impulse, or action?

2. What am I ashamed of?

3. How do I think I am going to be hurt if this is exposed?

4. Am I being affected by memories of past punishment?

5. When I hear an inner voice judging me harshly, who from my past is actually speaking to me?

6. How would my self-image suffer if I revealed this?

7. Have I been working within a belief system that sees human beings as innately sinful?

8. Why do I choose to live with guilt instead of without it?

CLICK HERE for continuing of Shadow part 2

Have questions, or thought?  Send us an email at NYCCC1@aol.com or go to our website at www.NYCCC.ORG.

A journey without a spiritual connection is a very empty activity. In my book "Forever Yours" a young couple meet in the 60's and explore life from a spiritual and non-spiritual perspective until they evolve into their latter years. Check Amazon (click here) to find out more about:

Boundaries part 2

This is the second part of a discussion on setting boundaries click here for part I

When we desire to set healthy boundaries we often find, fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls. We may fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter, son or friend. They do this even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” They might wonder if they even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

Self-respect is a decision that this life we are living is simply a journey from one unknown location to another unknown. No matter what our religious belief, we have never established tangible proof of what preceded our life nor what happens when life ends. We have beliefs, but no proof.

Therefore all we have is the knowledge that I am here, it is my life, my show, my road to navigate. If I take a trip in my car and stop to ask directions, the first question I will face is “Where are you going?” The journey of life is similar to this trip; we can ask many people for direction but unless we have some idea where we are going, we will end up in places we never anticipated.

To set good boundaries, determine some idea of where you want to go in your journey. Do I want to go toward peace or toward anxiety? Is my goal to end up with joy or with misery? Once you have a good sense of where you want to go, then establish boundaries that allow you to arrive at your destination. Fear, guilt and self-doubt will only plague us when we aren’t sure of where we want to go in our journey. 

The bible states “without a vision my people parish.” What is your vision and what boundaries help keep you moving toward that vision.


My book "Forever Yours" is a story about a journey where boundaries are discovered and established over a 50 year marriage. It is a story of the baby boomer generation but as one reviewer states "It is simply a beautiful journey through the complicated pathway of what we call life." Click here for more information on "Forever Yours."