Father and Daughter Relationships

In our last blog on the Mother/son relationship (Mother Dearest) we stated the premise that a happy childhood generally produces happy relationship and vice versa. While this is a broad and general evaluation, which opens an arena for those who disagree, psychological research demonstrates we are a product of our childhood. Studies show the relationship of a child with the parent of the opposite sex is a key component to healthy or unhealthy evaluation of self. To continue this thought, let us explore the Father/daughter relationship.

The symbol for the masculine side of emotions and relationships is the sword. It is the place of conquest, strength, and power.

The symbol for the feminine side is the harp and signifies healing, nurturing, stability, and peace.

As a child, the woman is exposed to both the sword and the harp through the interaction with her mother and father. 

Generally, the woman will touch the feminine part of her world through her interaction with her mother. Here she will find the ability to express nurturing and peace. Obviously, not all mothers are whole and healthy, thus the young girl my not find all these characteristics with her mother. However, both her natural instinct as a woman and the norms of society  provide a general understanding of how to react through the feminine side. Then there is the impact of the father. A woman will discover her feminine side with the mother and the world around her, but the father will provide her sense of worth and strength as a woman.

A distant, emotionally detached father produces a daughter who learns how to perform for approval. She will look at the world around her, see if she is receiving approval for her effort, and if not, will assume she is wrong and try to work harder for approval. If the father is nurturing and emotionally available, the young woman will feel the sense of acceptance for who she is, and will not base her worth on others approval. This is a very general overview of childhood development, but is appropriate as a foundation for understanding female self-esteem.

In relationship, a woman will approach the male based upon the self evaluation system established in childhood. One of the strongest unconscious goals of a woman is to maintain the relationship with the father, even if the relationship was not healthy. To accomplish this, she often marries a male who is “just like her father”. Why? Because her worth, as a woman, was established by the impact of the first dominant male in her life; her father. It is the sword that will conquer, and often, it will determine the trust a woman has in her own harp. For a woman to be healthy in relationships, she needs to truly understand the impact of her father, and walk a conscious journey of defining herself based on who she is today, rather than the voice of who she was as a child.

Some questions to consider in this contemplation are:
1. How did my father define me? Was it a positive or negative relationship?
2. Did I feel accepted by my father or was he distant and detached?
3. How does this understanding of my father reflect in my relationships with men today?

This balance of the masculine/feminine parts of our emotional system is key to heathy relationships. We will expand this outlook in the next post, and share some of the comments sent in by readers. As always, we appreciate your thoughts here in the blog by placing a comment below. Become a follower by signing in at the Follower box on the right or press the I LIKE button for Twitter or FaceBook. Our Facebook page is found by Clicking Here.

A good study of long-term relationships is my book Forever Yours. (click here) for more details.