Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Spell Check for Relationships

One of the hardest things in a relationship is getting past some of the hurts we encounter. People in relationship will hurt each other. It is just logical that somehow we are going to say something, which leaves a mark. 

If we keep doing this to our relationship partner, it is probably a sign we have a lot of deep anger and need to work on it. However, in most relationships, the hurts are not constant, they are just part of our history together.

It is important to get past the hurt and move into the positive aspects of being together. Our ego loves to hang on to the times when our partners did or said something wrong. We have clients who hold on to past grudges and replay them with such clarity you would think it happened an hour ago rather than ten years ago. Our past is subject to our control and we can change our approach to it if we desire. 

One technique is to view our past memories like a Spell Check in a computer. If I type Txton in my computer, it shows it in red, an indication of an error. If Txton is a word I want to use forever, I simply go into the database of the Spell Check and tell it to add the new word to the memory.

Hurts from the past can be dealt with the same way. If my partner said something a year ago that hurt me, and I want to stop feeling bad about it, I can go into my emotional database and tell my ego this particular situation is no longer painful. If I come up with the thought again in the future, I will remind myself it is no longer a hurtful memory and move on. It takes about three times to truly make the ego go along with the change. Remember, you are in charge of your life, not your ego.

Thus we are never victims.

Any thoughts. Share them with us in the comments section or write us at nyccc1@aol.com. Join the blog by becoming a Follower in the box on the right and we will send you a note every time we have a new post. For more information on our counseling go to NYCCC.ORG

If interested in a faith based approach to counseling see my book Inner Space (click here).

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