Three Goals for Heathy Relationships

There are three aspects of conscious focus in relationships that can create a sense of safety between partners. They are:

I believe I am a PRIORITY to my partner

I believe I am SIGNIFICANT to my partner

I believe I am RESPECTED by my partner 

-->

If these critical characteristics of conscious focus are missing, the interaction between partners will focus on how each person can capture this sorely needed piece. An argument will not be about the unresolved difficulty, but about a way to regain the sense of priority, significance, or respect.

To accomplish this focus, partners must ask themselves, in a conscious manner, how can I let my partner know they are a priority to me, they are significant in my life, and are respected by me. When this is taking place as an active behavior, the atmosphere in the relationship is safe and open for growth. To accomplish this we need to focus on the positive aspects of our partner and not on the areas we want to change.

Love is the power within us that affirms and values human beings as he or she IS and not the way we want them to be. Human love affirms the person instead of the ideal we would desire him or her to be, or the projection flowing from our mind. 

Love is the inner place of the soul that opens our blind eyes to the beauty, value, and quality of the other person.  Love causes us to value that person as a total, individual self, and this means we accept the negative side as well as the positive, the imperfections as well as the admirable qualities. When one loves the human being instead of the projection, one loves the shadow as much as one loves the light. One accepts the other person's totality.

Try being conscious of providing this type of security to your partner and watch for the change. If both partners try this exercise, the results are beautiful.

Share your thoughts with us by email to nyccc1@aol.com or even better, share a comment below so all can journey together. Join our blog by entering the Follower and Friends box to the right or check the FaceBook or Twitter  LIKE button. We also offer counseling at our New York office or online with Skype or FaceTime on internet.

If interested in a faith based approach to counseling see my book Inner Space (click here).

See our website at www.nyccc.org for more help and information.