Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Who are WE?



Working with couples for over twenty plus years, the one recurring pattern of disfunction seems to be the need to make the other person into what we want them to be. In my spiritual understanding, mankind is created with free will, something even the creator will not violate; yet in relationships this free will is often usurped. If the other person refuses to change as their partner demands, then they are viewed as stubborn and uncooperative. 

We don’t come into longterm relationships because of things we DON'T like in our partner, we enter this commitment because of the things we DO like.

 Why then, when we are in a relationship, do we spend so much time complaining about the things we don’t like and so little time encouraging the positive aspects of our partner. 


What is Love?

Love is the power within us that affirms and values human beings as he or she IS and not the way we want them to be. Human love affirms the person instead of the ideal we would desire him or her to be, or the projection flowing from our mind.

 Love is the inner place of the soul opening our blind eyes to the beauty, value, and quality of the other person.  Love causes us to value a person as a total, individual self; meaning we accept the negative side as well as the positive, the imperfections as well as the admirable qualities. When one loves the human being instead of the projection, one loves the shadow as much as one loves the light. One accepts the other person's totality. 


Human love causes a man to see the intrinsic value in a woman: therefore, love leads him to honor and serve her, rather than improperly use her for his ego's intentions. When love is guiding him, he is concerned with her needs and her well-being, not fixated on his own wants and whims.

 Human love causes a woman to see the intrinsic value in a man: he is not a projection of her unmet needs, but rather a soul whose journey she has the honor to encourage and nurture toward the joy of finding God's plan.


 In the relationship, the strength of the “I”, or the individual, is not diminished: rather it is encouraged by what the “WE” is able to accomplish as a mutual task. 

While a piece of each “I” is sacrificed to the “WE”, it still remains the “I” but now finds greater joy in the strength of the “WE” which may not be experienced by the “I”.

Every relationship needs to reflect on the question: "Who are We?" It is a conscious place that needs to be visited often.

Any thoughts? Leave a comment.

Forever Yours is a book I wrote about a couple who find a way to keep their love alive through all the trials and tribulations of life. You can see it at Amazon (click here).

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Unconditional Self Acceptance

 Often, when I am talking to people, I am fascinated with the level of disrespect many have toward themselves. I think a lot of the anger in our society is an attempt by some people to make people around them feel as miserable about life as they do.

For example, if I don't like who I am, then you become a threat. Not because you did anything, just the fact that you exist bothers me, because you may seem to be happy and I am not. Therefore, let me make you unhappy so I feel better.

After thousands of years of evolving as the human species, it often seems we haven’t come very far. 

One of the things I use in my practice is the aspect of U.S.A.. In this case, U.S.A. stands for Unconditional Self Acceptance. This means a person will accept who they are without judgement. For example: I am a wonderful person and I am also a person who is often not so wonderful. I love humor but I also have a dark side. I love to be at peace, but anger does show up. It is just who I am. No judgement, just observation.

Try it sometime when your inner voice tells you all the bad things about who you are or what you do. Just say, “Yep that’s true” and then remember the opposite is also part of you. It is just who we are. If we accept ourselves without condemnation, then we won’t have to dump all our junk on others. 

One of my early books, I AM ADAM deals with this internal struggle. It is a fictional story about the Garden of Eden and how the creation got off on the wrong foot. If you would like a copy, I'm offering it FREE at this website: 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/37088




Thursday, August 25, 2016

Our Shadow - part 4

SHADOW AND HURT 

In this series on THE SHADOW, we have explored MY SHADOW THINKING and SHADOW AND SHAME. In this section we want to explore the question; how do I think I am going to be hurt if this is exposed?

“This” is the thought or action we hold inside with the fear of being “found out”. It is a shadow thought existing because we refuse to expose it to the power of light. Remember, there is never enough shadow to extinguish light, but light will always remove shadow.

In the case of the fear of being hurt if some shadow thought or action is “found out” we are allowing shadow to operate in a vacuum of rational understanding. We keep the shadow thought inside where it takes on a life of its own, which will generally produce even darker shadows and ultimately produce a strong self-destructive reaction.

What if they found out about my using the internet to watch pornography. They would hate me and think I was a pervert. I am a pervert. I hate myself. I cant let them find out.  (SHADOW THOUGHT)

What if they found out about my using the internet to watch pornography. I guess they might be concerned, but am I concerned? I think I am concerned this habit is becoming stronger. I’m not a pervert, so why do perverted things? I think I will find someone to talk to about this because I don’t want to have this as an addiction.  (LIGHT THOUGHT)

Self-loathing is a shadow that can lead to self-destruction if we let it keep growing without light. Listen to the thoughts you entertain and see if they bring peace or fear.

Have questions, or thought?  Send us an email at NYCCC1@aol.com or go to our website at www.NYCCC.ORG.


A journey without a spiritual connection is a very empty activity. In my book "Forever Yours" a young couple meet in the 60's and explore life from a spiritual and non-spiritual perspective until they evolve into their latter years. Check Amazon (click here) to find out more about: 



Thursday, July 28, 2016

SHADOW AND SHAME - PART 3

SHADOW AND SHAME - Part 3


In the previous articles on THE SHADOW and MY SHADOW THINKING we explored the inner recesses of our thinking and brought attention to the power of light over shadow. Our basic premise is in this truth: there has never been enough shadow and darkness to extinguish light, but a small amount of light can reduce a shadow immediately. Light a candle in a dark room and watch shadow recede from the power of light.

One of the strongest deceptions of shadow is the feeling of shame. Shadow will come up with some dark concept, convince us it is a good thing, and then provide a stage of shame for us to stand on when the shadow is exposed. Shame is simply a terrible emotion as it is a statement of personal identity with some action or thought. I may have done something or thought something I wish I hadn’t, but the thought or action doesn’t define me, it is simply an unfortunate thought or action.

I became angry. I am ashamed of being an angry person (a shadow thought).
I became angry, which is disappointing, but I am not an angry person. (A light thought).

I did drugs again. I am an idiot. I am such a looser. (Shadow Thought)
I did drugs again. That was an idiotic thing to do, but I’m not an idiot. I will get some help so I can make better decisions. (Light Thought)

I am not what I do. I am created as light and I choose to do shadow things, but I am still light. Acknowledge the shadow, but remember the light is always stronger. Don't confuse our actions with our essence.

TO CONTINUE THE SHADOW STUDY CLICK HERE

Have questions, or thought?  Send us an email at NYCCC1@aol.com or go to our website at www.NYCCC.ORG.

A journey without a spiritual connection is a very empty activity. In my book "Forever Yours" a young couple meet in the 60's and explore life from a spiritual and non-spiritual perspective until they evolve into their latter years. Check Amazon (click here) to find out more about: 

Thursday, June 16, 2016

THE SHADOW - PART 2

MY SHADOW THINKING 


In the last lesson entitled THE SHADOW (click here) we explored the reality concerning our dark side known as the shadow and our other side know as light. The foundation of recovery thinking is in the truth that shadow can never shut out light, but light always overpowers shadow.

The first question we want to explore in our shadow/light understanding is:
WHY AM I HIDING THIS BAD THOUGHT, IMPULSE OR ACTION?

We all have thoughts that we keep from others attentions because exposing the thought might lead to negative reactions. We smile at someone but the thought is “I cant stand you, I hate you.” Or we may have an action or impulse, which is destructive, yet we do it anyhow and wonder why. “A little drugs won’t hurt. I can flirt a little; it wont hurt anything. I can get away with cheating on this test. Who will know.”

These are shadow thoughts that love to remain in the darkness of our thinking. What do we do to offset them? Generally nothing, which is why we get into problems so unexpectedly. To change the shadow, we need to expose it to light. But I can’t expose the shadow to light unless I admit it is there.

Shadow = I can’t stand you, I hate you.”
Light = Well that is a rather strong statement. Do I really hate this person or do I just not like what they are doing. If I hate them, then am I really any better than they are or am I just lowering myself to their level. I don’t really hate them, but I do hate what they did so either I confront what they did, or I let it go. If they repeat the action, then I will separate myself from them as they are not something I want in my journey. I can hate them if I want, but I really would rather be at peace within myself and not feel this hatred.

We generally hide the shadow side from light because we think the shadow side is right and we deserve to be there or we know the shadow side is wrong and are ashamed to admit it exists. Shadow is neither right or wrong, it is just shadow. Embrace it for what it is and then turn on a light and see how long it lasts. We will explore shadow and shame next time.
Have questions, or thought?  Send us an email at NYCCC1@aol.com or go to our website at www.NYCCC.ORG.

CONTINUE WITH SHADOW STUDY CLICK HERE FOR PART 3
A journey without a spiritual connection is a very empty activity. In my book "Forever Yours" a young couple meet in the 60's and explore life from a spiritual and non-spiritual perspective until they evolve into their latter years. Check Amazon (click here) to find out more about: